Toss in some rose petals leading to the bedroom...

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Times are tough, financially speaking. And when the going gets tough on Valentine’s Day, the tough get romantic without accruing mind-numbing, check-bouncing debt.

One frugal solution is to prepare an intimate dinner for yourself and your paramour. Follow a sumptuous meal with cuddling on the couch to the flicker of a new, gay-themed DVD. Toss in some rose petals leading to the bedroom, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for a perfectly respectable celebration of love.

How about a menu of bruschetta, lemon rosemary chicken, and enslata caprese? Director Allison R. Hebble’s La Cucina (2007, Anthem Pictures) is an entertaining, tasty study focusing on those two most essential constants that inarguably rule the world: love and food. While coyly providing instructions for preparing the three aforementioned dishes, the film follows separate conversations about all the ingredients that make up a relationship—love, fidelity, expectation, and sexuality—all taking place simultaneously in the kitchens of a Melrose Place-like apartment complex.

Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks stars as Lilly, who learns that life’s banquet is as much about the preparing as it is the eating. The film also stars the Dorian Grey-like Rachel Hunter as well as Leisha Hailey, who plays it straight and pregnant, but with a healthy dose of Alice Piezecki quirkiness.

German director Monika Treut also gets romantic, but in a far artsier, more mysterious way, with Ghosted (2009, First Run Features). Shot in Hamburg and Tapei, the film focuses on a German lesbian who comes to terms with the loss of an old love as she confronts a new one. One drawback: Ghosted is in German and Mandarin with English subtitles, making your spontaneous, on-couch, mid-movie make-out session a bit difficult.

The only mystery about Ariztical Entertainment’s Be Mine, a gay romp about a gay man’s first gay kiss, and Mr. Right, Wolfe Video’s comedy about finding love, is that they were produced in the first place. But they do leave plenty of room for that on-couch, mid-movie make-out session. Bottom line, isn’t that the eventual goal of any Valentine’s Day?

PHOTO CAPTION: Rachel Hunter (l) and Leisha Hailey trade recipes for dinner and life in La Cucina, part of a smorgasbord of gay-themed DVDs available this month.
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OutrageUS
A critically acclaimed doc provokes action—and anger

Kirby Dick was graced with an Oscar nomination for Twist of Faith, his tender and tragic documentary about a man confronting the trauma of sexual abuse by a Catholic priest. Not surprisingly, his doc about the almost equally seedy machinations of the MPAA, This Film Is Not Yet Rated, was then promptly ignored by the Academy. Go figure.

Dick’s fearlessness to bite the hand that feeds him is what makes him a richly provocative chronicler. To him, justice is a higher prize than molded faux Oscar gold.

Now Dick has turned his famously scrupulous sights on the gay hypocritical hierarchy in the righteously anger-inducing Outrage, now on DVD (Magnolia Home Entertainment).  Solidly researched and remarkably pitched, this scrutinizing, pointed, and ruefully non-partisan documentary nails both jack-ass Democrat hypocrites and elephant-in-the-room Republicans who secretly rendezvous with fratboy lovers, biker bad men, and longtime companions, all the while wearing or marrying their obvious (and occasionally oblivious) female beards as they cast crucial votes against gay rights, AIDS funding, and other pro-gay legislation with painfully ignorant self-loathing vitriol. Some of their sins, such as Larry Craig’s stall sleaze, Governor McGreevey’s humiliating fall from grace, and Malcolm Forbes’ leather fetish, are painfully known. Lesser public and larger sins, like Florida-sized closet case Charlie Crist, are more revelatory, and all the more enraging.

Before you start jumping on the Palin-bashing bandwagon, look to our own clan. Our slam-closeted brethrens’ slippery evil is worse than any straight Nazi on Fox news. Dick’s documentary shows us who the real enemy is. We’ve met him. He is us. —Steven Foster 
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DVD Shorts

St. Trinian’s
The trouble with these angels is that their posh private school is headed for bankruptcy, so the girls, led by Mischa Barton, step up to save it. Rupert Everett stars in drag as Miss Camilla Fritton, the school’s headmistress. Colin Firth co-stars. Oliver Parker and Barnaby Thompson direct. 2007. Sony Pictures Home Entertainment (sonypictures.com).

End of Love
Ming (Chi-Kin Lee) is a cute, 22-year-old prostitute working in Hong Kong. His wanton ways land him in a Christian reformation camp, where he falls in love with his former drug addict/sponsor, Keung (Guthrie Yip). In Cantonese with English subtitles. Simon Chung directs. 2009. Breaking Glass Pictures (breakingglasspictures.com).

Training Rules
Despite appearances, collegiate sports remain one of the most unwelcoming territories for lesbian athletes and those perceived to be lesbian. Diana Nyad narrates this documentary, which explores discriminatory university programs, with focus on Penn State’s notoriously homophobic former coach, Rene Portland. Dee Mosbacher and Fawn Yacker direct. 2009. Wolfe Video (wolfevideo.com).

Lucky Bastard
Patrick Tatten (The Soloist) plays Rusty, a successful architect who succumbs to the charming yet seedy ways of Denny the drifter, played by Dale Dymkoski (Law and Order: SVU). And we all know what happens when we rely on the wrong organ to make decisions. Everett Lewis directs. 2009. Breaking Glass Pictures (breaking
glasspictures.com).

Give Me Your Hand (Donne-moi la main)
Eighteen-year-old twin brothers, played by real-life twins, Alexandre and Victor Carril, set off from France to attend their mother’s funeral in Spain. Along the way the brothers learn more about each other than they bargained for. Pascal-Alex Vincent directs. 2009. French with English subtitles. Strand Releasing (strand releasing.com).  

Flexing With Monty
Sally Kirkland appears as a nun soliciting a donation, and apparently much more, from a gym bunny and his brother in this freaky, violent, psychosexual dramedy. It’s already developed a cult following in the 14 years it took to produce it. John Albo directs. 2008. Unearthed Films (unearthedfilms.com).

Praxis
Themes of spirituality, existentialism, and sexual identity are explored in this violent yet ethereal drama based on the myth of Proteus. Stars Tom Macy and Andrew Roth. Winner of the DC Independent Film Fest’s DC Filmmaker award. 2008. Alex Pacheco directs. Ariztical Entertainment (ariztical.com).

MUSIC DVD
George Michael: Live In London
More than 350,000 fans witnessed these final performances at Earl’s Court arena by the talented half of Wham!, marking his quarter-century in show biz. Includes all his major hits, plus the tour’s “making of” documentary. Andy Morahan directs. 2009. D & E Entertainment (dandeentertainment.com).